change

  I find that the more unsettled I am with decisions the harder it is for me to feel peace. I am working on applications for graduate school and  I find that I feel like that little girl who could not find peace. I want to hide and not come out from under my blankets. Sometimes???? I do not like change in my life, I like knowing that my schedule is the same today tomorrow and next. I hate weekend schedule but I love the nurses I work with. I love the extra money it puts on my check. Sometimes it feels as if the whole world is on my shoulders and I am suppose to be ok. I even know tomorrow it will be better.

I am working on a resume for graduate school and I have asked Tina to look at it a million times. I know she is busy. She often ask me why I don't work off the old one but I never feel as if I have experience to have a resume. Its one of those old feelings that creep into my head and it makes me feel very inadequate.  I know, I know, its just a resume. But I feel as if gee I have waitress experience, cook experience, and volunteer experience but nothing that is for real. Then I always feel as if there is scarlet letter on my resume. When they run the background check I will have to explain my past one more time and then they will chose a applicant who does not have a past. I feel really down! I just wish someone had a opinion about this thing called life for me. Is graduate school right? Do i need to leave Indiana to get rid of my past? What does my kids think? What does my parents think? What does my husband think? Would he do this again? I have prayed and prayed about school graduate school, what am I over looking? What am i not hearing? Am I hearing and not listening (in reality this is probably the correct one)? I need the temple I do believe!!