passion

  Today, Kevin had orientation at his new job, which is on third shift. He is happy because of the shift. He is such a night person, and I am not.  I have often wonder where he has passion. I know that for sure he is passionate about me and my dreams. I wished he had a dream that he wanted as bad as I want this degree. With this degree I will be able to fulfill my dream of working with addictions. I am passionate about life and getting to know my Heavenly Father. This marriage is so important to me and I want it to be eternal. I love him and so grateful that he is so supportive of me. I am grateful that my life full with good friends and fmaly. I am grateful for my parents that love me and have taught me to know our prayers will be answered. To know that Heavenly Father loves me and knows me by name.

This can happen

   Most of my friends already know about my past. I finally have a chance to set everything good. I have a horrible time finding employment in Kentucky, and they tell me that I have the qualification but they can not hire me because of my felony. Well its been very frustrating and saddens me alot. Its been 14 years and its very expensive 1500. Of course we don't have it but I know it will work out for the best. I have the faith and know that it will be good.

Loneliness

This week has been better, the loneliness is slowly going away. I realized that there is all types of loneliness. I have that deep dark loneliness where you see no hope of anything getting better. This type happened to me many years ago (14). When I became clean, and I still had to face lots of my consequences and face the past. That loneliness is dark and frightening. Then there is the loneliness that you feel when you are in a room and there is people all around and you are not a part of that crowd and you feel alone is crowd full of people. You know there is hope and light but maybe its not meant for you. I also have felt that loneliness. There is that loneliness when you are sitting some where and you know that you do not belong because you have done awful things and how in the world could anyone want you and you definitely do not deserve to be there. I have felt that loneliness also.

My loneliness I feel now is like non other I have ever experience. My loneliness is for things that I had at home: friends that I can laugh with, little children who ran and hug me and call me Nana Joyce, friends who I can say " Can you believe what he(being husband) did?" and still know I am crazy about him. A friend who calls me up and says we are going to Walmart want to come? Some one who can laugh with me when I feel as if I am going to cry? To see my mom and to hang out with her? but at the same time who will remind me REMEMBER YOU PRAYED ABOUT THIS!! My loneliness is not that I am alone its that I am waiting for things to come. I am waiting to find those friends, who are not afraid to be my friend even though I am here for a short time. But then again when it comes time for me to graduate,  I will pray about it one more time and who knows what Heavenly Father will have in mind for us.
My loneliness is teaching me a lesson that I need. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and knows my heart desires and I am learning from him. I am learning to lean on him during this loneliness and to lean on Kevin. I have prayed more and read the scriptures more than I usually do. My spirit is lifted and my heart knows we are in the right place. Now I am learning that it is in his time. But on the same note don't we all have to learn that?

Dreams A sunshine house

A sunshine house is the name of my recovery house that I want to open someday. i want to be able to include things I have learned people need. Like family meals, playing together, family night, groups on the tools they need to become healthy, information for the families on what to expect and what not to expect, Relapse and most of all love. Unconditional love like at Amani. I miss that place.

just a note for today. Ready for church.

Joyce

Evans orchard-Lexington adventures.

http://www.evansorchard.com

 The Evans Orchard Farm Market opens in May with beautiful hanging baskets, and, depending on the weather, we have fresh, homegrown strawberries within just a matter of days. Check our Events and News page every visit to our website for current ripening dates, upcoming activities and more news of interest!

We went to the orchard today and we had lots of fun. For family night we are going to carve our pumpkins that we picked up at the patch. 
 


At the orchard they had fruit also, so we walked the apple trees and there were no apples on the trees. Oh well we tried. At the cafe we ate apple dumplings. It was really good.


Kevin and I usually have fun together. So on Sunday we will carve our pumpkins. Because Kevin has never carved pumpkins.

My heart is full and my spirit is fed

 last night I was spiritually fed by the Relief Society broadcast. I love the Relief Society conference and I felt like they were talking to me personally. the first talk said the
"All unfairness of life can be made right through the Atonement"
"we shouted for joy when we decided to come to earth" to think I shouted that I wanted this life!!


The greatest evidence of the Father's love is the atonement. That knowledge should send us to our knees to express our gratitude..I love this. I love the fact that Heavenly Father realized that I need the reminder that i need to remember to be grateful. The understanding of the Atonement is a necessary in this day and time. I used to think the Atonement used to apply to only the big things but now  I understand its for small things also.

This morning I have been reading the scriptures and Lehi is talking to his son Jacob,

 1.And now, Jacob, I speak unto you: Thou art my ^afirst-born in the days of my tribulation in the wilderness. And behold, in thy childhood thou hast suffered afflictions and much sorrow, because of the rudeness of thy brethren.

 2 Nevertheless, Jacob, my first-born in the wilderness, thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine ^aafflictions for thy gain.

I found this stuck in my mind that Jacob is being told that many of his afflictions have been brought about by his brothers. By the rudeness of his brethen. Then he is promised that if he remembers the greatest of God, that if he would allow his afflictions to concecrate (made holy) that they would be. 

Which has made me think about my field and the blessing that 

Dad gave me for a father's blessing for school He blessed me that my mind would stay pure and simple. I believe that this scripture is to remind me that I need to remember that the things I see in social work is not necessary because of God but becasue of the rudeness of other people. That Dad reminded me that I needed to keep my eyes on the glory of God and and I am grateful for this knowledge. My heart is full and my spirit is fed...

Sunday

  I love Sundays, my spirit gets full and it carries me on through the week. I take notes during the talks because in the past I wished that could remember what was exactly said. So today as I was sitting during sacrament I had these feelings.
Do we really think about the words of the sacrament prayers? I have learned because of the participation in the recovery group that we need to make them very personal. In step 7 the principle is humilty and the step reads Humbly ask Heavenly Father to remove your shortcomings.

When listening to the sacrament prayer I think to myself "O God, the Eternal Father: (I) ask thee in the name of the Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread to (my soul as I) partake of it...and keep the commandments which he hath given (me) that (I) may always have his spirit to be with (me).


Do I take the sacrament for the right reasons? Do I take it to renew my covenants so that I can become more like him.

So sacrament meeting was wonderful.. I need to be reminded to Keep the Sabbath Holy...
Genesis 2:32
President Benson

 http://www.lds.org/ensign/1971/05/keeping-the-sabbath-day-holy
Sorry I could not figure out how to make it link so you will have to copy and paste.

The second speaker shared
   Last Sunday driving home from church she made the comment that it was a pretty day, her daughter that was in the back seat asked that if they could go to play ground and she said no we don't do that on Sundays. Then the daughter said that can we go to the mall, the mom said no, Pretty soon she heard the daughter said"Boy Sundays sure are boring"
 The speaker went on to say I wished that I had told her all the things we can do on Sundays.
I am guilty of that thinking all the things I can't do instead of all the things I can!! I love Sundays my spirit needs this:)

Love Joyce