figured it out

  I have been off work since Jan. 27 and Kevin has been so wonderful. I feel so depressed, like i need to do something more than what I am doing. I feel like that I not contributing to the family. I can not think of the last time I have felt this way. I say i wished I looked sick then I would be more understanding. Which also means by being down about being home I am more depressed which leads to old thinking patterns. Which means it makes me sad=food. Which in a way is no different than any other harmful thing. It can cause an early death, brings on health issues. So is this addiction going to get the worse of me or am I going to change?  I have turned into a couch pototo. Do I want to do my own weight watchers? I need a scale that really works...

graduation and stuff

April 20, 2012 we had the senior banquet and I receive award for doing work in the drug field and I was totally shocked.

My thoughts

  This whole week I have had a really down feeling. I know that its ok to feel down. I am off work and no real hope of going back and I am trying to do the things I suppose to. I have doctors who say no way...I know I usually do not feel good when I am work. Well I have horrible purple marks and we thought they were hives but they're not. I also am so aware of our budget needs it. Or are we being taught that Kevin needs to step up.

 Friday night I had a slumber party with my girls. I love these two ladies and they have taught me so much. Rhonda has taught me dedication, she is determined to go to college and she does a good job. Shirley has taught me the child like faith. She sees the good in all things. I know they are a huge blessing in my life and i will miss them in the future. So at our slumber party we did a make over on my Rhonda. She looks so cute. We heard about Shirley's dates. Regina is Kay's sister and she is a beautiful person and its been so fun to meet her and become friends with her. I had the opportunity to hang out with Regina on Saturday and Tuesday is her anniversary and she is feeling sad right now.

My aunt Della graduated high school this week. I am so proud of her. She is 60 something.

I think so much is changing and its giving me weird dreams and flash backs so I have made plans to busy all week end. I have to take flowers to Regina tomorrow.

Love me

UnSuRe

So much has happened since last time I blogged and it seems as if I can not find the words to say what I am thinking or wishing. Something that I consider a big trigger in my life is not knowing what to expect or what to do to help my future go more smoothly. So needless to say I have been feeling a lot of stress. Just this week I finally heard about financial aid for University of KY. I have a 20,000 dollar scholarship which is the tuition. That is exciting but having no place to live or no money coming that is my own...worries me. I feel this unsurety about our life right now. I hate this feeling. 

I just don't know

Most of my life I have seen the importance of journaling, so the blog comes easy for me. I believe if you write the good, bad, sad , happy then you can not forget it. Yesterday I went to Chicago with Uindy, I realized that was my last friday as a student there. But on the bus I had a great discussion with Nicole on my Church and some misconceptions she had with it. Then Jeff and I had a great discussion about our identities and how he feels if addict identifies him/herself as addict all the time then the identity gets mixed up in being an addict. So when I got home I walked in the door, I don't why I expect Kevin to acknowledge I am home but I do. I was excited to tell him about Navy Pier and how I thought we would enjoy it. But he did not. So I have let it just sat and bother me. I always try to tell him when I he helps around the house. But today I have worked hard at getting everything caught up and making the house look really nice. But he did not notice. He is so stressed out about his two classes I can not be stressed out about life right now. everything is changing for me which I under stand that means everything is changing for him.  I have tried to stay out of his way and everything. I am trying and I understand I am sat in my ways and I am used to being by myself.

Sabbath and Dandelions

 Today at church we had some great talks...The second one was about dandelions, how the speaker, Aaron hates dandelions but when he started thinking about them. Who loves dandelions? A child, what are we directed to do, to become like a child.

Joyce

here we go again

In the last year so many things have changed

In July I got married to a man I adore and love!! In August I had a breast reduction: I still can not believe the difference

In January I got really sick being at work and i have been off work every since

In May I april I got accepted to Graduate school in Kentucky and i am scared

I need to lose weight!! I am fat!!!