here we are again

  So I am here again at another change in my life, and its not what I expected. I have been attending University of Kentucky and I did really good last semester. I did Psychopathology and its was suppose to be hard class. Then the second class was domestic violence and substance abuse and I got both A's in these classes.
  Kevin has not adjusted well to Lexington so we are moving back to Indianapolis. I appreciated that he tried and he did really good. Its been really hard to find jobs here and we both have really struggled. Tomorrow I go and with draw from school and I am sad. It feels like I am dying inside but I know it will get better.
  I have been working at Amazon. I now have learned to appreciate to amazon workers. I will always appreciate them more. f
    The College of Social Work at the University of Kentucky offers an innovative and exciting MSW curriculum based on ethical imperatives, research to practice and sound assessments and interventions. Its aim is to equip MSW graduates for the tasks and responsibilities they will encounter in professional Social Work Practice.

  Will check in later. Joyce

changes

     I understand constant changes are a part of life. I am blessed because I am willing to listen to my Heavenly Father because of it. My heart is torn two ways right now. I am in KY for school, but there are events that have taken place that has may me pray again if I doing the right things.

Kevin hates it here. I love him and know he is the head of our family. He decided that he is moving back to Indianapolis to attend on campus class. His decision has made it a hard for me. I will stay here in Lexington for the next 18 months and study. I thought.....

Then all my applications I have put in after graduation, I am finally getting call backs on, just the wrong state.

The next thing I have been able to have my record sealed. It cost us a pretty penny and its was really expensive. I know its so worth it. I am really excited that it opens door that I have never thought about.

Kentucky has many different laws than Indiana concerning felons. Like you can not vote here unless you write the govern and get special permission here. But you can live in apartment complexs. but apparently you can find a job in social work world in kentucky. Although you have plenty available.

Then for the last several weeks I have this strong impression that I am needed in Indiana due to illness.  I thought my parents, but we talked with Barb. She is having testing done for lungs and a knot she has there. I have felt like she is sicker than I ever thought but I am praying. For our sake and Barbs. I love that lady and so happy Kevin has always had here. She is wise beyond her years. She is great example to me. Here is lady who loved Kevin's dad. But she loved his children like they were her own. How blessed Kevin is to have two ladies that love him like that. Barb understands Kevin, in many times she has helped me understand him. I am grateful she is there for me. I love my husband but he is strange in many things.

So now my life is chao and I just wish Heavenly Father would just send me a message board on what to do.

Love me

passion

  Today, Kevin had orientation at his new job, which is on third shift. He is happy because of the shift. He is such a night person, and I am not.  I have often wonder where he has passion. I know that for sure he is passionate about me and my dreams. I wished he had a dream that he wanted as bad as I want this degree. With this degree I will be able to fulfill my dream of working with addictions. I am passionate about life and getting to know my Heavenly Father. This marriage is so important to me and I want it to be eternal. I love him and so grateful that he is so supportive of me. I am grateful that my life full with good friends and fmaly. I am grateful for my parents that love me and have taught me to know our prayers will be answered. To know that Heavenly Father loves me and knows me by name.

This can happen

   Most of my friends already know about my past. I finally have a chance to set everything good. I have a horrible time finding employment in Kentucky, and they tell me that I have the qualification but they can not hire me because of my felony. Well its been very frustrating and saddens me alot. Its been 14 years and its very expensive 1500. Of course we don't have it but I know it will work out for the best. I have the faith and know that it will be good.

Loneliness

This week has been better, the loneliness is slowly going away. I realized that there is all types of loneliness. I have that deep dark loneliness where you see no hope of anything getting better. This type happened to me many years ago (14). When I became clean, and I still had to face lots of my consequences and face the past. That loneliness is dark and frightening. Then there is the loneliness that you feel when you are in a room and there is people all around and you are not a part of that crowd and you feel alone is crowd full of people. You know there is hope and light but maybe its not meant for you. I also have felt that loneliness. There is that loneliness when you are sitting some where and you know that you do not belong because you have done awful things and how in the world could anyone want you and you definitely do not deserve to be there. I have felt that loneliness also.

My loneliness I feel now is like non other I have ever experience. My loneliness is for things that I had at home: friends that I can laugh with, little children who ran and hug me and call me Nana Joyce, friends who I can say " Can you believe what he(being husband) did?" and still know I am crazy about him. A friend who calls me up and says we are going to Walmart want to come? Some one who can laugh with me when I feel as if I am going to cry? To see my mom and to hang out with her? but at the same time who will remind me REMEMBER YOU PRAYED ABOUT THIS!! My loneliness is not that I am alone its that I am waiting for things to come. I am waiting to find those friends, who are not afraid to be my friend even though I am here for a short time. But then again when it comes time for me to graduate,  I will pray about it one more time and who knows what Heavenly Father will have in mind for us.
My loneliness is teaching me a lesson that I need. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and knows my heart desires and I am learning from him. I am learning to lean on him during this loneliness and to lean on Kevin. I have prayed more and read the scriptures more than I usually do. My spirit is lifted and my heart knows we are in the right place. Now I am learning that it is in his time. But on the same note don't we all have to learn that?

Dreams A sunshine house

A sunshine house is the name of my recovery house that I want to open someday. i want to be able to include things I have learned people need. Like family meals, playing together, family night, groups on the tools they need to become healthy, information for the families on what to expect and what not to expect, Relapse and most of all love. Unconditional love like at Amani. I miss that place.

just a note for today. Ready for church.

Joyce

Evans orchard-Lexington adventures.

http://www.evansorchard.com

 The Evans Orchard Farm Market opens in May with beautiful hanging baskets, and, depending on the weather, we have fresh, homegrown strawberries within just a matter of days. Check our Events and News page every visit to our website for current ripening dates, upcoming activities and more news of interest!

We went to the orchard today and we had lots of fun. For family night we are going to carve our pumpkins that we picked up at the patch. 
 


At the orchard they had fruit also, so we walked the apple trees and there were no apples on the trees. Oh well we tried. At the cafe we ate apple dumplings. It was really good.


Kevin and I usually have fun together. So on Sunday we will carve our pumpkins. Because Kevin has never carved pumpkins.