Today marks three weeks since we started the school project on understanding addiction. I gave up the fast food, I have been so good at this. It has been tempting and hard at times. I wanted fast food really bad. I have even thought of ways to justify my eating it. The really bad part any type of fast food would have been fine. When i am stressed or in a hurry is when I need it the worst. I have been working out a couple times a week and it feels good. I can not believe how much money I have saved. So I guess that is much like after giving up an addiction and how you are shocked about the money you spend.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Do You Know?
Do you know that when I say I am struggling it does not mean with the past?
Do you know that when I come and ask your advise its because I trust you or the fact that Heavenly Father trust you?
Do you know that I would not be asking if I did not feel that I needed your help?
Do you know that I know if it were not for God and the Atonement that I would not be here?
Do you know that I know God lives and he hears and answers my prayers?
Do you know that I know my triggers and what makes me feel stress and when to find the help I need?
Do you know that I know not to dance with the devil?
Do you know that I have firm knowledge if I ever went back to my old life I would die quickly and painfully?
Do you know that I expect alot of myself?Do you know that I like myself and my lfe?
Do you know that my testimony of the Savior is one of my most important things in my life?
Do you know that I have worked extremely hard for my life, family, health, jobs, school, and my membership in the church?
Do you know that I love my family and I would lay my life down for them?
Do you know that I know that feed my sheep means that is anyone who crosses my path?
Do you know that last night we were told if you judge someone then you really don't love them?
Do you know me?
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Trust
I also am amazed at the 12 steps and know how they work in my life. I decided it was time to move on to step 3. Which is Decide to your will and your life over to the care of God the Eternal Father and his son Jesus Christ.
This step is called the decision step because this where we decide to open ourselves to him and actually surrender on entire lives including past, present, and future to his care. So let me reflect on that it where I decide to turn everything over to my Heavenly Father.
This step meant everything to me when I was dealing with the drug addiction, when I finally turned everything about my life to his care. I became willing to do as my Father directed me to do. That my Heavenly Father worked miracles on me.I knew that I was in his hands. I know I am here regardless of the consequences I have to pay. i often think if I had been addict for longer then 3 years I know I would be dead. But my body pays for it daily. My lungs are hurting a lot today!! The chemicals they use at work agitate the lungs then I set up chemical pneumonia in my lungs. Which in the end means lots of different medication. I know that I am here for a purpose and I am here to help people who is going down the same path. I am grateful for my life and for the knowledge that i know what ever happens that God is in charge. His plan for my life is always better then mine.
This step is called the decision step because this where we decide to open ourselves to him and actually surrender on entire lives including past, present, and future to his care. So let me reflect on that it where I decide to turn everything over to my Heavenly Father.
This step meant everything to me when I was dealing with the drug addiction, when I finally turned everything about my life to his care. I became willing to do as my Father directed me to do. That my Heavenly Father worked miracles on me.I knew that I was in his hands. I know I am here regardless of the consequences I have to pay. i often think if I had been addict for longer then 3 years I know I would be dead. But my body pays for it daily. My lungs are hurting a lot today!! The chemicals they use at work agitate the lungs then I set up chemical pneumonia in my lungs. Which in the end means lots of different medication. I know that I am here for a purpose and I am here to help people who is going down the same path. I am grateful for my life and for the knowledge that i know what ever happens that God is in charge. His plan for my life is always better then mine.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Trigger!!
One of my triggers in life is the unknown. It makes me feel unbalanced and unsafe. So today my counselor for School at University of Indpls put together a plan for me to graduate in May 2012. I can do it but I have two practium left and it makes me nervous. I will be so busy the next 1 1/2 years then I would have my BA in Social Work. So needless to say I wanted fast food and I even drove into McDonald and drove up and forgot my drivers window is broken and I did not want to park and go in so I drove away. So I overcame the temptation but I had this great desire for a comforted that was bad for me. I wanted McDonalds.
ME? Working out
Worked out and enjoyed it. Pushed myself a little. Did my weights, but I walked 1.6 miles in 30 at the speed of 3. I believe I am most proud of myself for keeping goal of no fast food Since Sept. 6. I feel like I am earning my tokens as a recovering addict you receive tokens for each 30 days you are sober/clean at AA/NA. Up to 90 days then its by years.
Monday, September 20, 2010
I'm almost......................
Today is my niece's birthday and she turned four today. She is Tina number 5 child and she acts alot like my sister. I was talking with her and she told me she was almost 5. Tina then went on to call it her almost 5 birthday. I started to think about I am almost..............What am I almost? So I decided
That I am almost enjoying my workouts
That I have joy in my life that I am almost daily with that goal
That I am almost done with school with my BA in social work.
That I am almost a wife................giggle!
That I am almost a really good daughter, mother, member of the church, worker..........
The fact Deborah is almost 5 is ok because in her world at 5 she can chew gum. How many of us including me has forgot the joy of chewing gum?
This is one of my favorite pictures of Deborah. It makes wonder what she almost was that day...............
That I am almost enjoying my workouts
That I have joy in my life that I am almost daily with that goal
That I am almost done with school with my BA in social work.
That I am almost a wife................giggle!
That I am almost a really good daughter, mother, member of the church, worker..........
The fact Deborah is almost 5 is ok because in her world at 5 she can chew gum. How many of us including me has forgot the joy of chewing gum?
Sunday, September 19, 2010
good, better, and best
We had ward conference today and the theme was good, better and best. I have often thought about this subject when choosing over one good thing vs. another good thing. I loved his examples of good, better and best by Elder Oaks.
It is good to belong to our Father in Heaven’s true Church and to keep all of His commandments and fulfill all of our duties. But if this is to qualify as “best,” it should be done with love and without arrogance. We should, as we sing in a great hymn, “crown [our] good with brotherhood,”9 showing love and concern for all whom our lives affect.
In my past I have done many right or righteous things for the wrong reasons but the more I do them the more it becomes a righteous reason. So I think of these of the good.
The more it becomes and my heart takes a change, it becomes better and finally when I am doing whatever the assignment with a pure love for the person then that is the best. Not only do I feel it in my heart but I often think that I can feel my heart growing and I know that I feel that my heart is turning to God and trying to do more of the "best" things.
Sometimes i get so busy in what i suppose to do and school, work, homework, amani (work), church callings, visiting teaching, church, reading the scriptures, being Christ like, eating healthy, exercises, etc..... that I lose the fact that I am suppose to be doing it joyfully. That I have to admit that my life is crazy (unmanageable) and I need the spirit with me to accomplish all that I need to do. That what I have planned may not be what Heavenly Father has planned for me. More often then not my life is not what I have planned but more what he has planned.
It is good to belong to our Father in Heaven’s true Church and to keep all of His commandments and fulfill all of our duties. But if this is to qualify as “best,” it should be done with love and without arrogance. We should, as we sing in a great hymn, “crown [our] good with brotherhood,”9 showing love and concern for all whom our lives affect.
In my past I have done many right or righteous things for the wrong reasons but the more I do them the more it becomes a righteous reason. So I think of these of the good.
The more it becomes and my heart takes a change, it becomes better and finally when I am doing whatever the assignment with a pure love for the person then that is the best. Not only do I feel it in my heart but I often think that I can feel my heart growing and I know that I feel that my heart is turning to God and trying to do more of the "best" things.
Sometimes i get so busy in what i suppose to do and school, work, homework, amani (work), church callings, visiting teaching, church, reading the scriptures, being Christ like, eating healthy, exercises, etc..... that I lose the fact that I am suppose to be doing it joyfully. That I have to admit that my life is crazy (unmanageable) and I need the spirit with me to accomplish all that I need to do. That what I have planned may not be what Heavenly Father has planned for me. More often then not my life is not what I have planned but more what he has planned.
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