First step

  In the morning I have began to read the recovery manual and the scriptures that go along with it. For the first step it we often fail to admit that we have lost the ability to resist. So I am applying this to food, I often use food like I did dope. When I am happy to celebrate, when I am sad to feel the saddeness, when I am depressed to feel the loneliness, when I am bored to fill the boredom, so just like the crack I feel the holes often with food. I know with the drug it was different because I was trying to hide from facing all these feelings and along with these feelings. With the crack it was a hole in my soul and  I was trying to hide from God. I know and have strong testimony of the Savior and his love for me. The fact I know that the atonement is for me and I have been forgiven of the sins of along time ago is what brings me true joy. The peaceful feeling of knowing when I sleep that I can do it with peace is important.
 I am working on submitting my will on this matter of the food. I want to lose but how bad?
In my scripture readings this morning I went back to Mosiah 3:19

  The traits we should process is listed: submissive, meek, humble, patient (this one I need to work on) full of love, willing to submit all things which the Lord has seen fit to inflict upon you.
   The list is amazing to me, in the bible where it talks about how we should become like a child well these are the traits that a child has. The last sentence willing to submit all to the Lord even our troubles or the things that bother our temporal bodies. So to submit all things! That is what I am working on.