My life is not what I imagine it to be, I am pretty sure no one live turns out the way they thought it would be when they were young. We moved to Lexington KY in August for me to start at University of Kentucky in the Master Program for social work. I am a really good student. When I told Kevin what I wanted to do he was like lets go. We got here and we have learned alot about ourselves.
First: I have turned to Heavenly Father more than ever. I have found out Kevin counts on me to pray about stuff. He understands that I know and understand the power of prayer.
Second: I have found that i have been truly lonely here, so I have read the scriptures more than I have ever. I found peace in reading the scriptures.
Third: I have found I allowed alot of outside noise in our marriage before coming here. I have enjoyed the quiet moments with Kevin. Or the fact that he is willing to just run to the store with me. We have had fun exploring Kentucky. So we will continue to do that in Indiana. There are plenty of things to do on date night and date day.
Fourth: We have learned how we communicate together. I have to direct with him and he has learned that I need time to be stressed and work it out in my head then we are ok.
Deciding to move back to Indianapolis has been hard, and it trusting Heavenly Father 100%. I have found that I have prayed more about this. I continue to think he has a great sense of humor about my life. The thing that keeps coming to my mind is : I will go and do the things the Lord has commanded!! I will go and do what I am ask to do.
I know everything I do is for the love of my family and for others. I dedicated my life to service and doing what the Lord has asked me to do. I love my Heavenly Father and so grateful for my wonderful and blessed life. I know that I was led to my husband. I know he is a good man. I am so grateful for his parents who taught him honor and good morals. I love him with my whole heart and know that he is one of many blessings that I do not deserve.
I know God gave me three beautiful wonderful sons. who has grown into amazing men, who is good men and I am so proud to be their mother. I do not deserve them nor will I ever take them for granted. I love to see them happy .
My parents are great examples to me of living a life to be proud of. I hope that I make them proud. I love them so much.
My sister is great example to me of what unconditional love is. She loves her family and I have seen her hurt more than anyone person deserves to hurt and she has never lost her faith.
I am grateful for Greg and the father he is. I am grateful that we have been able to stay great friends. I would miss him if anything ever happened to him. I see him in our sons he should be proud of that. I love him for being a good dad and the other half of our children.
Joyce
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Merry Christmas!!
Merry Christmas!! I love this time of year. This year is way different than any other year. Everyone is away and Kevin and I stayed in Lexington. So that the boys could work on building their own memories with their families.
The greatest gift:
The greatest gift:
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that
whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting
life."
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all.
Will post pictures later.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
here we are again
So I am here again at another change in my life, and its not what I expected. I have been attending University of Kentucky and I did really good last semester. I did Psychopathology and its was suppose to be hard class. Then the second class was domestic violence and substance abuse and I got both A's in these classes.
Kevin has not adjusted well to Lexington so we are moving back to Indianapolis. I appreciated that he tried and he did really good. Its been really hard to find jobs here and we both have really struggled. Tomorrow I go and with draw from school and I am sad. It feels like I am dying inside but I know it will get better.
I have been working at Amazon. I now have learned to appreciate to amazon workers. I will always appreciate them more. f
The College of Social Work at the University of Kentucky offers an innovative and exciting MSW curriculum based on ethical imperatives, research to practice and sound assessments and interventions. Its aim is to equip MSW graduates for the tasks and responsibilities they will encounter in professional Social Work Practice.
Will check in later. Joyce
Kevin has not adjusted well to Lexington so we are moving back to Indianapolis. I appreciated that he tried and he did really good. Its been really hard to find jobs here and we both have really struggled. Tomorrow I go and with draw from school and I am sad. It feels like I am dying inside but I know it will get better.
I have been working at Amazon. I now have learned to appreciate to amazon workers. I will always appreciate them more. f
The College of Social Work at the University of Kentucky offers an innovative and exciting MSW curriculum based on ethical imperatives, research to practice and sound assessments and interventions. Its aim is to equip MSW graduates for the tasks and responsibilities they will encounter in professional Social Work Practice.
Will check in later. Joyce
Friday, December 7, 2012
changes
I understand constant changes are a part of life. I am blessed because I am willing to listen to my Heavenly Father because of it. My heart is torn two ways right now. I am in KY for school, but there are events that have taken place that has may me pray again if I doing the right things.
Kevin hates it here. I love him and know he is the head of our family. He decided that he is moving back to Indianapolis to attend on campus class. His decision has made it a hard for me. I will stay here in Lexington for the next 18 months and study. I thought.....
Then all my applications I have put in after graduation, I am finally getting call backs on, just the wrong state.
The next thing I have been able to have my record sealed. It cost us a pretty penny and its was really expensive. I know its so worth it. I am really excited that it opens door that I have never thought about.
Kentucky has many different laws than Indiana concerning felons. Like you can not vote here unless you write the govern and get special permission here. But you can live in apartment complexs. but apparently you can find a job in social work world in kentucky. Although you have plenty available.
Then for the last several weeks I have this strong impression that I am needed in Indiana due to illness. I thought my parents, but we talked with Barb. She is having testing done for lungs and a knot she has there. I have felt like she is sicker than I ever thought but I am praying. For our sake and Barbs. I love that lady and so happy Kevin has always had here. She is wise beyond her years. She is great example to me. Here is lady who loved Kevin's dad. But she loved his children like they were her own. How blessed Kevin is to have two ladies that love him like that. Barb understands Kevin, in many times she has helped me understand him. I am grateful she is there for me. I love my husband but he is strange in many things.
So now my life is chao and I just wish Heavenly Father would just send me a message board on what to do.
Love me
Kevin hates it here. I love him and know he is the head of our family. He decided that he is moving back to Indianapolis to attend on campus class. His decision has made it a hard for me. I will stay here in Lexington for the next 18 months and study. I thought.....
Then all my applications I have put in after graduation, I am finally getting call backs on, just the wrong state.
The next thing I have been able to have my record sealed. It cost us a pretty penny and its was really expensive. I know its so worth it. I am really excited that it opens door that I have never thought about.
Kentucky has many different laws than Indiana concerning felons. Like you can not vote here unless you write the govern and get special permission here. But you can live in apartment complexs. but apparently you can find a job in social work world in kentucky. Although you have plenty available.
Then for the last several weeks I have this strong impression that I am needed in Indiana due to illness. I thought my parents, but we talked with Barb. She is having testing done for lungs and a knot she has there. I have felt like she is sicker than I ever thought but I am praying. For our sake and Barbs. I love that lady and so happy Kevin has always had here. She is wise beyond her years. She is great example to me. Here is lady who loved Kevin's dad. But she loved his children like they were her own. How blessed Kevin is to have two ladies that love him like that. Barb understands Kevin, in many times she has helped me understand him. I am grateful she is there for me. I love my husband but he is strange in many things.
So now my life is chao and I just wish Heavenly Father would just send me a message board on what to do.
Love me
Friday, November 16, 2012
passion
Today, Kevin had orientation at his new job, which is on third shift. He is happy because of the shift. He is such a night person, and I am not. I have often wonder where he has passion. I know that for sure he is passionate about me and my dreams. I wished he had a dream that he wanted as bad as I want this degree. With this degree I will be able to fulfill my dream of working with addictions. I am passionate about life and getting to know my Heavenly Father. This marriage is so important to me and I want it to be eternal. I love him and so grateful that he is so supportive of me. I am grateful that my life full with good friends and fmaly. I am grateful for my parents that love me and have taught me to know our prayers will be answered. To know that Heavenly Father loves me and knows me by name.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
This can happen
Most of my friends already know about my past. I finally have a chance to set everything good. I have a horrible time finding employment in Kentucky, and they tell me that I have the qualification but they can not hire me because of my felony. Well its been very frustrating and saddens me alot. Its been 14 years and its very expensive 1500. Of course we don't have it but I know it will work out for the best. I have the faith and know that it will be good.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Loneliness
This week has been better, the loneliness is slowly going away. I realized that there is all types of loneliness. I have that deep dark loneliness where you see no hope of anything getting better. This type happened to me many years ago (14). When I became clean, and I still had to face lots of my consequences and face the past. That loneliness is dark and frightening. Then there is the loneliness that you feel when you are in a room and there is people all around and you are not a part of that crowd and you feel alone is crowd full of people. You know there is hope and light but maybe its not meant for you. I also have felt that loneliness. There is that loneliness when you are sitting some where and you know that you do not belong because you have done awful things and how in the world could anyone want you and you definitely do not deserve to be there. I have felt that loneliness also.
My loneliness I feel now is like non other I have ever experience. My loneliness is for things that I had at home: friends that I can laugh with, little children who ran and hug me and call me Nana Joyce, friends who I can say " Can you believe what he(being husband) did?" and still know I am crazy about him. A friend who calls me up and says we are going to Walmart want to come? Some one who can laugh with me when I feel as if I am going to cry? To see my mom and to hang out with her? but at the same time who will remind me REMEMBER YOU PRAYED ABOUT THIS!! My loneliness is not that I am alone its that I am waiting for things to come. I am waiting to find those friends, who are not afraid to be my friend even though I am here for a short time. But then again when it comes time for me to graduate, I will pray about it one more time and who knows what Heavenly Father will have in mind for us.
My loneliness is teaching me a lesson that I need. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and knows my heart desires and I am learning from him. I am learning to lean on him during this loneliness and to lean on Kevin. I have prayed more and read the scriptures more than I usually do. My spirit is lifted and my heart knows we are in the right place. Now I am learning that it is in his time. But on the same note don't we all have to learn that?
My loneliness I feel now is like non other I have ever experience. My loneliness is for things that I had at home: friends that I can laugh with, little children who ran and hug me and call me Nana Joyce, friends who I can say " Can you believe what he(being husband) did?" and still know I am crazy about him. A friend who calls me up and says we are going to Walmart want to come? Some one who can laugh with me when I feel as if I am going to cry? To see my mom and to hang out with her? but at the same time who will remind me REMEMBER YOU PRAYED ABOUT THIS!! My loneliness is not that I am alone its that I am waiting for things to come. I am waiting to find those friends, who are not afraid to be my friend even though I am here for a short time. But then again when it comes time for me to graduate, I will pray about it one more time and who knows what Heavenly Father will have in mind for us.
My loneliness is teaching me a lesson that I need. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and knows my heart desires and I am learning from him. I am learning to lean on him during this loneliness and to lean on Kevin. I have prayed more and read the scriptures more than I usually do. My spirit is lifted and my heart knows we are in the right place. Now I am learning that it is in his time. But on the same note don't we all have to learn that?
Dreams A sunshine house
A sunshine house is the name of my recovery house that I want to open someday. i want to be able to include things I have learned people need. Like family meals, playing together, family night, groups on the tools they need to become healthy, information for the families on what to expect and what not to expect, Relapse and most of all love. Unconditional love like at Amani. I miss that place.
just a note for today. Ready for church.
Joyce
just a note for today. Ready for church.
Joyce
Friday, October 12, 2012
Evans orchard-Lexington adventures.
http://www.evansorchard.com
The Evans Orchard Farm Market opens in May with beautiful hanging baskets, and, depending on the weather, we have fresh, homegrown strawberries within just a matter of days. Check our Events and News page every visit to our website for current ripening dates, upcoming activities and more news of interest!
We went to the orchard today and we had lots of fun. For family night we are going to carve our pumpkins that we picked up at the patch.
At the orchard they had fruit also, so we walked the apple trees and there were no apples on the trees. Oh well we tried. At the cafe we ate apple dumplings. It was really good.
Kevin and I usually have fun together. So on Sunday we will carve our pumpkins. Because Kevin has never carved pumpkins.
The Evans Orchard Farm Market opens in May with beautiful hanging baskets, and, depending on the weather, we have fresh, homegrown strawberries within just a matter of days. Check our Events and News page every visit to our website for current ripening dates, upcoming activities and more news of interest!
We went to the orchard today and we had lots of fun. For family night we are going to carve our pumpkins that we picked up at the patch.
At the orchard they had fruit also, so we walked the apple trees and there were no apples on the trees. Oh well we tried. At the cafe we ate apple dumplings. It was really good.
Kevin and I usually have fun together. So on Sunday we will carve our pumpkins. Because Kevin has never carved pumpkins.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
My heart is full and my spirit is fed
last night I was spiritually fed by the Relief Society broadcast. I love the Relief Society conference and I felt like they were talking to me personally. the first talk said the
"All unfairness of life can be made right through the Atonement"
"we shouted for joy when we decided to come to earth" to think I shouted that I wanted this life!!
The greatest evidence of the Father's love is the atonement. That knowledge should send us to our knees to express our gratitude..I love this. I love the fact that Heavenly Father realized that I need the reminder that i need to remember to be grateful. The understanding of the Atonement is a necessary in this day and time. I used to think the Atonement used to apply to only the big things but now I understand its for small things also.
This morning I have been reading the scriptures and Lehi is talking to his son Jacob,
1.And now, Jacob, I speak unto you: Thou art my afirst-born in the days of my tribulation in the wilderness. And behold, in thy childhood thou hast suffered afflictions and much sorrow, because of the rudeness of thy brethren.
2 Nevertheless, Jacob, my first-born in the wilderness, thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine aafflictions for thy gain.
I found this stuck in my mind that Jacob is being told that many of his afflictions have been brought about by his brothers. By the rudeness of his brethen. Then he is promised that if he remembers the greatest of God, that if he would allow his afflictions to concecrate (made holy) that they would be.
Which has made me think about my field and the blessing that
Dad gave me for a father's blessing for school He blessed me that my mind would stay pure and simple. I believe that this scripture is to remind me that I need to remember that the things I see in social work is not necessary because of God but becasue of the rudeness of other people. That Dad reminded me that I needed to keep my eyes on the glory of God and and I am grateful for this knowledge. My heart is full and my spirit is fed...
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Sunday
I love Sundays, my spirit gets full and it carries me on through the week. I take notes during the talks because in the past I wished that could remember what was exactly said. So today as I was sitting during sacrament I had these feelings.
Do we really think about the words of the sacrament prayers? I have learned because of the participation in the recovery group that we need to make them very personal. In step 7 the principle is humilty and the step reads Humbly ask Heavenly Father to remove your shortcomings.
When listening to the sacrament prayer I think to myself "O God, the Eternal Father: (I) ask thee in the name of the Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread to (my soul as I) partake of it...and keep the commandments which he hath given (me) that (I) may always have his spirit to be with (me).
Do I take the sacrament for the right reasons? Do I take it to renew my covenants so that I can become more like him.
So sacrament meeting was wonderful.. I need to be reminded to Keep the Sabbath Holy...
Genesis 2:32
President Benson
http://www.lds.org/ensign/1971/05/keeping-the-sabbath-day-holy
Sorry I could not figure out how to make it link so you will have to copy and paste.
The second speaker shared
Last Sunday driving home from church she made the comment that it was a pretty day, her daughter that was in the back seat asked that if they could go to play ground and she said no we don't do that on Sundays. Then the daughter said that can we go to the mall, the mom said no, Pretty soon she heard the daughter said"Boy Sundays sure are boring"
The speaker went on to say I wished that I had told her all the things we can do on Sundays.
I am guilty of that thinking all the things I can't do instead of all the things I can!! I love Sundays my spirit needs this:)
Love Joyce
Do we really think about the words of the sacrament prayers? I have learned because of the participation in the recovery group that we need to make them very personal. In step 7 the principle is humilty and the step reads Humbly ask Heavenly Father to remove your shortcomings.
When listening to the sacrament prayer I think to myself "O God, the Eternal Father: (I) ask thee in the name of the Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread to (my soul as I) partake of it...and keep the commandments which he hath given (me) that (I) may always have his spirit to be with (me).
Do I take the sacrament for the right reasons? Do I take it to renew my covenants so that I can become more like him.
So sacrament meeting was wonderful.. I need to be reminded to Keep the Sabbath Holy...
Genesis 2:32
President Benson
http://www.lds.org/ensign/1971/05/keeping-the-sabbath-day-holy
Sorry I could not figure out how to make it link so you will have to copy and paste.
The second speaker shared
Last Sunday driving home from church she made the comment that it was a pretty day, her daughter that was in the back seat asked that if they could go to play ground and she said no we don't do that on Sundays. Then the daughter said that can we go to the mall, the mom said no, Pretty soon she heard the daughter said"Boy Sundays sure are boring"
The speaker went on to say I wished that I had told her all the things we can do on Sundays.
I am guilty of that thinking all the things I can't do instead of all the things I can!! I love Sundays my spirit needs this:)
Love Joyce
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Our adventure in Lexington 1
Today is Saturday and Kevin is at work. I visited the Farmer's market today and I had plenty of fun....The farmer market was small but the thing I love is that everyone has to be homegrown and it has to be homemade. But I didn't take any cash, for some reason I thought it would accept debit cards. That is my good laugh today:)
http://www.newportaquarium.com/
It was worth the 23.00 for the tickets. I have decided to make a book with our adventures of Lexington together.
After we were done at the aquarium and we ate at Brothers, it was a grill and pub that overlooked the Mississippi River and we had these wonderful appetizers named Gator balls.
Love Joyce
On Thursday Kevin and I went to the aquarium in New Port and it was so much fun..
I have so much enjoyed being married to Kevin and us exploring the Lexington area together. Lexington has been good for us as a couple. I loved this moon jellies they had neon lights behind them and so they had looked very different colors.http://www.newportaquarium.com/
It was worth the 23.00 for the tickets. I have decided to make a book with our adventures of Lexington together.
After we were done at the aquarium and we ate at Brothers, it was a grill and pub that overlooked the Mississippi River and we had these wonderful appetizers named Gator balls.
pepper jack in japlone peppers and and bacon wrapped around them to form a ball and the dip was poppy seed ranch dressing.......To answer my own question they were wonderful!!
Love Joyce
Monday, September 17, 2012
kevin and Kim
September 1, 2012
My youngest son, Kevin got married to his sweetheart, Kim. the wedding was beautiful and it had such a great spirit. Kevin and Kim has Gage.
My youngest son, Kevin got married to his sweetheart, Kim. the wedding was beautiful and it had such a great spirit. Kevin and Kim has Gage.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
bucket list
I believe we all have them some of us has wrote our list down and some just put those things on a list to do at later time. Later time being "when the kids are grown" "when we are older and have more time" "next week" "never" etc....So this morning I was faced with one of those things on my bucket list and now I wished I would have listened better or went to the demos about it. I had a meeting with the bishop in my new ward. So to my friends who are not familiar with LDS terms. Everything in our church is a laid ministry. Which means that no one is paid. So all position that is in our ward(congregation) in volunteer. I believe that Bishop has been called of God. So I have been asked to do something I know nothing about and have definitely had my bucket list for when I am much older. Because I know that gospel is true and I know that Heavenly Father sees my life so different than I do I have accepted this challenge and now the item on my bucket list is moved to learn now list. I do know that Heavenly Father knows me by name and knows exactly what I need in my life. I do totally trust him and his knowledge for me. That does not mean on my drive home from church that I did not say "are you sure?" I even thought I am sure that you mixed me up with my sister. LOL
Love Joyce
p.s. tomorrow I will let everyone know what the calling (that is our term for position that we are volunteering in) is............
Love Joyce
p.s. tomorrow I will let everyone know what the calling (that is our term for position that we are volunteering in) is............
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Sunday School
I love lessons that you walk out and you continue to think about how the teacher presented them. Sunday school was wonderful and the teacher, Bryce did an excellent job. On the board he had this list
Then he went on to say today missiles hit the US and there is no United States but there is island we can go to but we can only take one thing what would it be. Then he ask for people to say the things they would get rid of. So it came to these two things. People were hostel about crossing off the prophet. Then he brought up the point if you did not have your testimony would any of these things matter. So I posing the question would any of these matter if you did not have a testimony?
Second question: What do you base your testimony on?
He pointed out Christ should be the base of Christ.....
Third question: What do you know that you will always know? People said they know that Christ is the savior. He said true, what happens if you are not standing on holy grounds.
What if you do ______________ that one time, like watching porn, like cussing, the one R rated movie, etc.
In my opinion that allows us to say its ok and allows the spirit to leave us for that one moment and Satan knows it.
Joyce
Bishops
Prophets
Book of Mormon
Bible
Doctrine and Covenant
Sacrament meeting
Testimony
home teachers
home teaching
Then he went on to say today missiles hit the US and there is no United States but there is island we can go to but we can only take one thing what would it be. Then he ask for people to say the things they would get rid of. So it came to these two things. People were hostel about crossing off the prophet. Then he brought up the point if you did not have your testimony would any of these things matter. So I posing the question would any of these matter if you did not have a testimony?
Second question: What do you base your testimony on?
He pointed out Christ should be the base of Christ.....
Third question: What do you know that you will always know? People said they know that Christ is the savior. He said true, what happens if you are not standing on holy grounds.
What if you do ______________ that one time, like watching porn, like cussing, the one R rated movie, etc.
In my opinion that allows us to say its ok and allows the spirit to leave us for that one moment and Satan knows it.
Joyce
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Here I am again!!
I know when ever I need to check in I find attend a 12 step group and this is what happened this week. I decided to go the recovery group here in Lexington and I found the greatest spirit. It was Bro. Kelly and I at the meeting. I love the spirit that dwells in these meetings. Well amazing you will never believe what step we were on Step 10 which is part of the maintainance steps.
Step 10
Continue to take personal inventory and when you are wrong promptly admit it.
I love this step it so often reminds me that we each need to do this. In the manual it talks about ask yourself these questions
Are you doing too much or too little?
Are you taking care of your basic spiritual emotional and physical needs?
Do you serve others?
But the most important question in this step is ARE YOU TRUE?
It also points out saying "I am wrong" is as important as I love you in any relationship.
Then coming home Kevin found a letter from Aaron and I had never read it or even ever saw it. It told me about Eric and how he would beat them. So Aaron being the person he is would take the beatings for the others. I had no idea and he then ask me did I care or was I too F******* high to notice. I cried......I had no idea. I am so grateful that i went to this meeting tonight and I sat down and wrote him a letter and told him how sorry I was and no I did not know that. and yes I was to high all the time. How much I love him and realize that he does not have to let me in his life. I love the boys so much and it is not like me. I was a horrible person back then. I am so sorry Aaron that I was not there to protect you and your brothers. I am sorry that I was not a mother. I am sorry that I was to high to know you were getting beat. I am sorry I did not notice your bruises. I am sorry. I love you!!
Mom
Step 10
Continue to take personal inventory and when you are wrong promptly admit it.
I love this step it so often reminds me that we each need to do this. In the manual it talks about ask yourself these questions
Are you doing too much or too little?
Are you taking care of your basic spiritual emotional and physical needs?
Do you serve others?
But the most important question in this step is ARE YOU TRUE?
It also points out saying "I am wrong" is as important as I love you in any relationship.
Then coming home Kevin found a letter from Aaron and I had never read it or even ever saw it. It told me about Eric and how he would beat them. So Aaron being the person he is would take the beatings for the others. I had no idea and he then ask me did I care or was I too F******* high to notice. I cried......I had no idea. I am so grateful that i went to this meeting tonight and I sat down and wrote him a letter and told him how sorry I was and no I did not know that. and yes I was to high all the time. How much I love him and realize that he does not have to let me in his life. I love the boys so much and it is not like me. I was a horrible person back then. I am so sorry Aaron that I was not there to protect you and your brothers. I am sorry that I was not a mother. I am sorry that I was to high to know you were getting beat. I am sorry I did not notice your bruises. I am sorry. I love you!!
Mom
Thursday, August 23, 2012
feelings
I started class last night and it was this unbelievable fear when looking walking unto the campus of University of KY. I can not believe how nervous I have been this week. The fact that I know no one has been such a different thing for me. Usually anywhere I go I know someone because of being Scott and they know my parents or grandparents. I am excited to get to know different people. It amazing to me how supportive kevin has been. I love that man more and more each day. I can not believe he would give his whole life up to come be with me here. I am so happy that i have him with me, I am not as lonely and for sure not alone.
Love Joyce
Love Joyce
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Loneliness
Isn't it funny how loneliness works. So often you can be in a room full of people and you soul fills lonely. Today my soul has felt loneliness. I often think there is two different types of loneliness: one of the spirit and one of the temporal. The temporal one is easier to fill. In my opinion, that second one is just getting up and going to do something. I would fill that loneliness by driving to visit with mom and dad. Or often just chit chatting on the phone with Rhonda or Ms. Shirley. How I miss those girls. Each one of them have added so much to my life. Shirley has taught me to enjoy the world and to think of things in a child like way. We are commanded to become child like. I love this about Shirley. Rhonda has taught me many things: patience and tolerance. I understand that she needs to be loved for just being her.
The second loneliness is when your spirit needs full. That is mine today. I have this strong testimony about serving. when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God,” (Mosiah 2:17) I know my soul sings when I am serving. I don't care how it is that I serve. But I do know how much I miss it. I am so grateful for a Father that knows this about me. I am grateful for parents who taught me to serve by example and by word. Tomorrow my soul will be better. I do believe a temple trip might be exactly what I need.
The second loneliness is when your spirit needs full. That is mine today. I have this strong testimony about serving. when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God,” (Mosiah 2:17) I know my soul sings when I am serving. I don't care how it is that I serve. But I do know how much I miss it. I am so grateful for a Father that knows this about me. I am grateful for parents who taught me to serve by example and by word. Tomorrow my soul will be better. I do believe a temple trip might be exactly what I need.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Lexington
We moved to Lexington, KY. I am sitting here in my small apartment and wondering what the heck?
I know I have done the right thing I want this degree and its amazing how far I have come. I feel so blessed that I have this amazing husband that is willing to change his whole comfort space for me.
when we married he moved into the house I lived in and it always felt like it was my house never our house. Now our little apartment is so ours. We both have had to make decisions on where to put everything and what pictures to hang where. It feels like it is ours.
I never knew how much I love being around my mom. I miss her. I really enjoy being around her and miss knowing that I can jump in my car and go visit. I really miss her.
On Sunday, my new ward is wonderful. The RS president is Nancy Powell and she is wonderfully nice. She is just one of those people you want to get to know.
I know I have done the right thing I want this degree and its amazing how far I have come. I feel so blessed that I have this amazing husband that is willing to change his whole comfort space for me.
when we married he moved into the house I lived in and it always felt like it was my house never our house. Now our little apartment is so ours. We both have had to make decisions on where to put everything and what pictures to hang where. It feels like it is ours.
I never knew how much I love being around my mom. I miss her. I really enjoy being around her and miss knowing that I can jump in my car and go visit. I really miss her.
On Sunday, my new ward is wonderful. The RS president is Nancy Powell and she is wonderfully nice. She is just one of those people you want to get to know.
Monday, July 30, 2012
there is hope
So I have set a goal to become a healthy grandma. I never want to be one that wishes she felt like walking on the stairs or down a hill. Some of my favorite memories as a child is no matter how many times we wanted to see the pigs and cows Grandpa Scott would walk us down the hill to the barn to see the animals. I want my grand kids to have the same memories. I have started to walk last week. I walked on Thurs, Fri, and I have set a goal of walking 3 times a week and watch what I am eating. We all know the diets and how and how they work. But this morning I was walking and thinking about the water issues in Indiana. So if you look at our grass it is brown and pretty much everything is drying out. But as I walked I noticed little bits of green. The green is fighting to stay alive and it is against all odds. I wonder if that is how my spirit feels at times. We know if we can hold on that we can stay"green" when the odds are against us. I see all the brown and dried out things in this world right now with the attack on our families and how we are trying to remove God from the world and I hope I continue to be one of the strands that fights to stay close to the spirit against all odds. I know that God lives and their is "green" in our lives even when there is so much brown around us.......
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Miracles
once again my sister wrote a beautiful post. I believe in miracles. In the webster dictionary
mir·a·cle/ˈmirikÉ™l/
I have been witness to many miracles in my life. Have you witness miracles? I believe that if we take the time each one of us is able to say this. I know that I sometimes I have to remind myself that miracles did not only take place during Jesus's time but it takes place daily in each of our lives if we are allowing ourselves to see and understand that. One of my biggest faults is in my thinking that everyone else deserves miracles, grace, and mercy except me. This has always been a battle for me personally. I know in the past when I have had good things i find a way to not make it good. I know with a better understanding of the Atonement and how it is applied to my life I have come to understand that I am worthy of these things also.
Miracles in my life: Cindy and Tina (sisters), each of my sons ( three of the greatest things that has ever happened to me)
another miracle in my life is that I am still here.. I have now been clean since 1998 and not a day goes by that I do not thank my Heavenly Father for that. I do not deserve to be here, I lived a dangerous life and I know this. I lived a life that I should be dead or be killed. I tried to forget Heavenly Father and my family. But I believe Heavenly Father absolutely refused to give on me. Even after I got clean I led a life where I no longer did drugs but I was not clean. It took my purse getting stolen in a bank (miracle) for me to decide that I am better person by being active in church. I need that daily reminder of Heavenly Father and what he is does for me each day. I love that he thought I deserved to be given 7x70 chances of forgiveness. I know he knows me so personally and by name that he realizes that I need daily miracles in my life.
I have attached the story that my sister had on her blog. I sat here on a Tuesday morning and read this and cried. I cried for the families who lost someone. All because they went to see the movie. I cried for this family and the mother. I cried for the doctors who witness a miracle. I cried for all the untold stories that will never be told. I cried because I read a miracle and was able to see it.
Please take a few minutes to read this post by Brad Strait: A Miracle Inside the Aurora Shooting
Even though I have already said my morning prayer I think I will go thank my Heavenly Father for the miracles in my life and others. I feel very grateful this morning how about you?
Love Joyce
mir·a·cle/ˈmirikÉ™l/
Noun: |
|
Miracles in my life: Cindy and Tina (sisters), each of my sons ( three of the greatest things that has ever happened to me)
another miracle in my life is that I am still here.. I have now been clean since 1998 and not a day goes by that I do not thank my Heavenly Father for that. I do not deserve to be here, I lived a dangerous life and I know this. I lived a life that I should be dead or be killed. I tried to forget Heavenly Father and my family. But I believe Heavenly Father absolutely refused to give on me. Even after I got clean I led a life where I no longer did drugs but I was not clean. It took my purse getting stolen in a bank (miracle) for me to decide that I am better person by being active in church. I need that daily reminder of Heavenly Father and what he is does for me each day. I love that he thought I deserved to be given 7x70 chances of forgiveness. I know he knows me so personally and by name that he realizes that I need daily miracles in my life.
I have attached the story that my sister had on her blog. I sat here on a Tuesday morning and read this and cried. I cried for the families who lost someone. All because they went to see the movie. I cried for this family and the mother. I cried for the doctors who witness a miracle. I cried for all the untold stories that will never be told. I cried because I read a miracle and was able to see it.
Please take a few minutes to read this post by Brad Strait: A Miracle Inside the Aurora Shooting
Even though I have already said my morning prayer I think I will go thank my Heavenly Father for the miracles in my life and others. I feel very grateful this morning how about you?
Love Joyce
Friday, July 20, 2012
Gage
On Thurday I went to the doctor with Kevin (son) and Gage. He weigh 21.4 pounds and 29 1/4 inches long. He is in the 95%tile for his weight and height. Gage is amazing and he is fun. I love this little boy. Kevin (husband) is wonderful with him...
He loved Pizza with Pa
Great Pa (Burney Scott which
is my dad!!)
He enjoyed hs sippy cup and he really enjoyed it for his first time.....
Gage is scooting and he is trying to jabber. He sleeps with no blankets but loves his daddy's tshirt..
He loved Pizza with Pa
Great Pa (Burney Scott which
is my dad!!)
He enjoyed hs sippy cup and he really enjoyed it for his first time.....
Gage is scooting and he is trying to jabber. He sleeps with no blankets but loves his daddy's tshirt..
Sunday, July 15, 2012
be kind
I just read the cutest blog that gave me a sweet reminder:
About a year ago, I sent my husband a list of things that I thought
that he might like to see me do around the house. I asked him to put
the list according to priority, from greatest to least.
Here is the exact list that I sent to him:
-clean, ironed laundry
-yummy meals including lunches
-fresh, homemade bread for your sandwiches
-keeping up with emails
-thank you notes
- outreach in the community
-hospitality/ having people over
- making sure there are cookies or something yummy for you when you get home (including tea)
-a clean, picked up house
And, this was his exact response:
“Thanks, but I would rather have you put aside
anything/everything you have to do in order to start each day with the
assumption that I LOVE YOU, and therefore anything I do or say is given
the benefit of the doubt that I LOVE YOU.
Get enough rest and say no to enough activities so that you have the energy to be NICE TO ME (and the kids) when I’m home.
Honestly, I appreciate the rest of it, but don’t really
care that much if it comes at the expense of the first two things up at
the top of the list. Maybe you think that I think you’re a bad wife or
mom if you don’t do this stuff. If so, that is wrong. I would much
rather have a messy house, make my own lunches from white, store-bought
bread, have no snacks, etc. etc., but have a nice, happy wife who likes
me, than the other way around.
So, to sum it all up, showing me you love me has more
to do with WHO you are than what you do! It’s my best friend I fell in
love with and want to hang out with, not my maid!”
I have not been a very nice person earlier this week...This reminded me that I needed to be kindness at the top of my list. I needed to make sure that I was kind to the great and wonderful people in my house.
I am sorry!!
Love you all Joyce
Monday, July 9, 2012
Sunday, July 8, 2012
time is going by fast...
Today at church we had a lesson on when we die and we are met by Heavenly Father will he tell us that we have done a good job. I often think of the scriptures Mark 12:30, 31
30 And thou shalt alove the Lord thy God with all thy bheart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy cstrength: this is the first commandment.
31 And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.
I think when we meet our Heavenly Father these will be his first two questions. First being Did you love me with everything (soul, mind, and strength)? If you are able to say yes then in my opinion there is no need for the second question Did you love the neighbor as thy self?
Through out my life we have had great neighbors. Growing up we moved into an area that was made up of all old people. My parents got to know these people. They watched out for us girls when my parents were working. Tina was so good, when she would get home in the evenings from school she would go visit each one to see if they were doing good. We Dorothy on one side and on the other side we had the reeves. Then two houses down we had Ruby. I am sure they were not as old as I remember. But I am grateful for parent s who taught me to love our neighbors. What will my answer be to this question on my meeting with God? I am working toward saying yes!! How about you...
Friday, July 6, 2012
Mansions
Yesterday was Cindy (Sunshine) Scott's birthday she is my sister and she was born July 5, 1966. She had Cystic Fibrosis and the life expectancy was 1 year at that time. In 2012 the life expectancy is 37 years, maybe in my life time we will see the miracle of a cure. After posting pictures on facebook Tina offered to introduce anyone to Cindy in heaven that did not know her.
So my first thought: Lets make a plan to meet in heaven.
John 14
1 Let not your heart be atroubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
2 In my Father’s ahouse are many bmansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will acome again, and receive you unto myself; that bwhere cI am, there ye may be also.
My mansion will be the one with all the pink roses and flowers
around it. Do you have your mansion picked out?
Friends, Lets Plan to meet in the middle of the beautiful
mansions? Some I will have the chance to see again here and others I will have to plan to meet
in heaven, Just know when I am leaving this earth I will be there waiting for you!!
God be with you till we meet again.
Friends, Lets Plan to meet in the middle of the beautiful
mansions? Some I will have the chance to see again here and others I will have to plan to meet
in heaven, Just know when I am leaving this earth I will be there waiting for you!!
God be with you till we meet again.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON
TODAY IS JASON'S 29TH BIRTHDAY
On to more important things today.. Today my oldest son will 29...can you believe I have a 29 year old. Jason is amazing and he is one of the three best things that has ever happened to me. I understand how blessed I am that I have children. As a baby he was always a happy baby and then he grew into a happy adult..
Now he is a professor at Cornell University and he is a good man. I am proud to his mom. During my life the thought of the boys is what got me to the next day. I have always dreamed of being a mom and I could not ask for more amazing young men than God has blessed me with...
Jason last year at his graduation for his PhD. He picked up the gown in the morning and wore the gown all day. Every where he went he wore it. I don't believe his feet ever touched the ground. We were so proud of him I realize how hard he worked and I don't believe I would ever take the gown off either.
We were so lucky everyone, Nana and Pa (Bettie and Burney Scott) his brothers, Aaron and Kevin, Greg (his dad) and myself and of course Aunt Tina said she would not have missed it. Her cute husband stayed at home with everyone and allowed her to come and visit and hang out with us...
Tina has loved each of the boys from the first moment she met them. Jason lived at home with my parents and her right after he was born and they developed this routine. When it was time for Tina to get on the bus she would wake Jason up and play with him until the bus came. So this happened the whole time Tina was still at home.
Nana and Jason
Jason being silly!!
Happy Birthday Son!!!
The whole family at graduation!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE ONE OF THREE BEST THINGS THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME....THE VERY THOUGHT OF YOU THREE HAS KEPT ME ALIVE
Jason on Aug 7, 1983 |
Jason and Uncle Edward hanging out |
jason about 6 months old |
jason at family reunion Sept. 4, 1983 with Cousin Dustin and the 78.5 pound watermelon |
Add caption |
Now he is a professor at Cornell University and he is a good man. I am proud to his mom. During my life the thought of the boys is what got me to the next day. I have always dreamed of being a mom and I could not ask for more amazing young men than God has blessed me with...
Jason last year at his graduation for his PhD. He picked up the gown in the morning and wore the gown all day. Every where he went he wore it. I don't believe his feet ever touched the ground. We were so proud of him I realize how hard he worked and I don't believe I would ever take the gown off either.
We were so lucky everyone, Nana and Pa (Bettie and Burney Scott) his brothers, Aaron and Kevin, Greg (his dad) and myself and of course Aunt Tina said she would not have missed it. Her cute husband stayed at home with everyone and allowed her to come and visit and hang out with us...
Tina has loved each of the boys from the first moment she met them. Jason lived at home with my parents and her right after he was born and they developed this routine. When it was time for Tina to get on the bus she would wake Jason up and play with him until the bus came. So this happened the whole time Tina was still at home.
Nana and Jason
Jason being silly!!
Happy Birthday Son!!!
The whole family at graduation!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE ONE OF THREE BEST THINGS THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME....THE VERY THOUGHT OF YOU THREE HAS KEPT ME ALIVE
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Prayers
Tonight I was thinking about how much my life has changed since 15 of April, 2006 and I went back to church. I went back because my life was not working for me the way I was doing things. How much it helps to have a relationship with Christ. To know he my brother and he was willing to die for me. The Atonement works on the small things as well as the large things. I know that I am loved by Heavenly Father and Jesus. I know that I am known by name and he is concerned with the things I am. He hurts with me and knows that it hurts to breathe tonight. More importantly I know that by applying the atonement in my life then I am able to live better and become closer to him. I am thankful to know I am a child of God and he send me here to earthly parent who love me.
I am grateful for my blessings. I am grateful for the lesson I learned from Tina tonight. When we were talking she said "I was talking with Heavenly Father about how I felt~~~~~~~~". Tonight I am wondering if I talk with him or do I talk to him?
I am grateful for my blessings. I am grateful for the lesson I learned from Tina tonight. When we were talking she said "I was talking with Heavenly Father about how I felt~~~~~~~~". Tonight I am wondering if I talk with him or do I talk to him?
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Gage
tHE KIDS HAD FAMILY PICTURES TAKEN AND THESE
ARE SOME OF MY FAVORITE. kEVIN AND KIM DECIDED TO HAVE FAMILY GROUP DONE AT THE PARK IN FORT WAYNE. WE ARE SO BLESSED TO HAVE KIM IN OUR FAMILY. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHO HAS A STRONGER SENSE OF FAMILY: KEVIN OR KIM. tHEY ARE BOTH CRAZY ABOUT EACH OTHER AND THEY HAVE A GOOD FRIENDSHIP AND SHE IS SO GOOD ABOUT SHARING GAGE WITH US. SHE IS BIG BLESSING TO US. KEVIN DID A GOOD JOB IN FINDING SOMEONE WHO TOTALLY GETS HIM.....
mY FAMILY
We have had Gage all weekend, since Thursday. He is such a joy and growing so fast. He is wearing 12 months clothing on the most part and he is sitting and he rolls every where he needs to go. He laughs most of the time and not very fussy. But at or around 5 everyday he starts crying and there is consoling him and he cries for about 5 minutes hard and then its done. I think he is homesick and he just needs to cry. Sometimes don't we all that. To just cry...I know I do.
ARE SOME OF MY FAVORITE. kEVIN AND KIM DECIDED TO HAVE FAMILY GROUP DONE AT THE PARK IN FORT WAYNE. WE ARE SO BLESSED TO HAVE KIM IN OUR FAMILY. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHO HAS A STRONGER SENSE OF FAMILY: KEVIN OR KIM. tHEY ARE BOTH CRAZY ABOUT EACH OTHER AND THEY HAVE A GOOD FRIENDSHIP AND SHE IS SO GOOD ABOUT SHARING GAGE WITH US. SHE IS BIG BLESSING TO US. KEVIN DID A GOOD JOB IN FINDING SOMEONE WHO TOTALLY GETS HIM.....
GAGE |
mY FAMILY
We have had Gage all weekend, since Thursday. He is such a joy and growing so fast. He is wearing 12 months clothing on the most part and he is sitting and he rolls every where he needs to go. He laughs most of the time and not very fussy. But at or around 5 everyday he starts crying and there is consoling him and he cries for about 5 minutes hard and then its done. I think he is homesick and he just needs to cry. Sometimes don't we all that. To just cry...I know I do.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
found our apartment
Lexington is one step closer and am I ever scared.....I can't admit it to anyone....I am on my own.....that scares me......What if..........my parents need me.......Rhonda needs me...........Shirley needs me..What if I am never needed in Lexington......I feel safe here what if I don't...............
Moving to http://www.themansionapts.com
I am excited and its really nice and close to everything. I am grateful for good friends who is willing to ride with me to Lexington to look at apartments. Thank you Tami!!!
Moving to http://www.themansionapts.com
I am excited and its really nice and close to everything. I am grateful for good friends who is willing to ride with me to Lexington to look at apartments. Thank you Tami!!!
clean and proud
Today I have been thinking alot about my body. Years ago when I was using drugs what was I doing. I was hiding from the person that I had turned into. The person who could not protect my sister the person who could not tell our parents because I believe Warner, in his lies. The person who was not worthy to love because I had done horrible things.
Today I am doing things to my body and it is slowly destroy it. I have a fatty liver, GERD, VCD, Ashma, allergies to things I have never had before. Am I slowly killing myself. Did you know that caffeine is in the DSM book. I have one condition that is listed in the book. That scares me more than anything and to realize that my conditions could improve by me losing weight. Hmmmmm................Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..... I think I need help because I am down also and that does not help...maybe time for a visit to Kathy?
Today I am doing things to my body and it is slowly destroy it. I have a fatty liver, GERD, VCD, Ashma, allergies to things I have never had before. Am I slowly killing myself. Did you know that caffeine is in the DSM book. I have one condition that is listed in the book. That scares me more than anything and to realize that my conditions could improve by me losing weight. Hmmmmm................Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..... I think I need help because I am down also and that does not help...maybe time for a visit to Kathy?
Sunday, June 17, 2012
DAD's
Today is Sunday, what a better day to celebrate dad's. Isnt funny that we for Mother's Day go all out and mom gets breakfast in bed, flowers, gifts, and pictures for Mother's days. Then we go to church and all lessons are about Mothers and the influence they have in the home and other places. They had our roses and candy, and the kids get draw pictures and make gifts. Then for the single women we talk about how we are promised to be Mothers, if not in this life then in the heaves. But for Fathers you may get a card and your favorite breakfast. Then you get to church you get a few talks and then its a regular day at church. No talks about Fathers and the influence they have in the home. Which in the world having a father in the home can be the difference between success and just getting by.
My dad is just an ordinary man, he worked hard his whole life. The reason he worked so hard was for his family. My mom worked hard so my parents could have things and do things and provide well for us girls. I never remember a time when dad told us he was to tired for us. I never remember a time when my dad told us to go away. He would lay his life down for us. Some of my good memories was that I used to try new recipes and Pineapple chicken. Well my family used to rate them as often we should have it to eat: this one was once in life time. But he took a bite and I can not remember if finished it. When I was about 5 I remember sitting on a screen in porch and we are playing games, Dad, Cindy, Tina, and myself. Mom must of been at work. When Cindy was alive, I remember honesty about her, as much as a child could handle. Another memory, I had spend the night at my cousins house, it was pouring rain and it was well after midnight. I told my uncle I wanted to go home. He at first told me that I could not call my parents. But I remember telling him I was going to call. I don't know why but I remember the intense urgency to go home and even today I as I remember that event I can remember the great desire to be home. Everyone told my dad would tell me to go to bed. But I called and I KNEW THEY WOULD COME!! Within 20 minutes of my phone call he knocked on the door. The rain was horrible that night. I remember it raining so hard that you could not see and it had made puddles so deep and big that you could not drive through them. I don't even think you could home the same way. But I knew I did not have to stay, I knew he would come and get me. I never had a doubt that he would not come.
During my addiction I remember calling him and he would always come. I remember being scared and thinking of him. After I got clean, I am so embarrassed by some of the horrible things I said to him. Thinking of him and mom driving around looking for me, in ditches and the city morgue. I remember the first time they told me that it felt like someone took my heart out and stepped on it. Then I remember seeing my dad the day was arrested and how I hurt him. The day I saw the vein on his head, It still scares me.....Then finally the day I walked out of jail and he was standing there. I had been there for 26 days and I was scare because I thought I was going to prison, and I was hungry, and I was cold. He was there, he fed me, cloth me, and loved me. Then when I went to court and we both thought I was going to prison. I know only thing that saved me I was living with them. Dad believed I could change and held that belief long after most people had given up on me. I am grateful that now because i do not remember alot about those years he is able to help me figure it out and not be angry about it. But more than that as we are figuring it out he does not try to make me feel horrible about it. He understands that I know I did horrible things and now I am trying to forgive the past. My dad has set the example of how the Atonement should be used in my life and knowing that I am forgiven for that. I love my Dad for always loving me. I love for being an example of what and how we are suppose to live our lives. I love him for loving our Heavenly Father and showing it in how he treats his family. I am grateful for a dad that is a Dad. I am grateful for the fact I know he prays for his family. My parents has taught us to be kind, loving, and charitable. They have set the example for the type of marriage I want: to laugh, play, and work as a couple. For that I am grateful. So Happy I will be in the eternities with him and my mom. I love you Dad!! Happy Father's Day!!
My dad is just an ordinary man, he worked hard his whole life. The reason he worked so hard was for his family. My mom worked hard so my parents could have things and do things and provide well for us girls. I never remember a time when dad told us he was to tired for us. I never remember a time when my dad told us to go away. He would lay his life down for us. Some of my good memories was that I used to try new recipes and Pineapple chicken. Well my family used to rate them as often we should have it to eat: this one was once in life time. But he took a bite and I can not remember if finished it. When I was about 5 I remember sitting on a screen in porch and we are playing games, Dad, Cindy, Tina, and myself. Mom must of been at work. When Cindy was alive, I remember honesty about her, as much as a child could handle. Another memory, I had spend the night at my cousins house, it was pouring rain and it was well after midnight. I told my uncle I wanted to go home. He at first told me that I could not call my parents. But I remember telling him I was going to call. I don't know why but I remember the intense urgency to go home and even today I as I remember that event I can remember the great desire to be home. Everyone told my dad would tell me to go to bed. But I called and I KNEW THEY WOULD COME!! Within 20 minutes of my phone call he knocked on the door. The rain was horrible that night. I remember it raining so hard that you could not see and it had made puddles so deep and big that you could not drive through them. I don't even think you could home the same way. But I knew I did not have to stay, I knew he would come and get me. I never had a doubt that he would not come.
During my addiction I remember calling him and he would always come. I remember being scared and thinking of him. After I got clean, I am so embarrassed by some of the horrible things I said to him. Thinking of him and mom driving around looking for me, in ditches and the city morgue. I remember the first time they told me that it felt like someone took my heart out and stepped on it. Then I remember seeing my dad the day was arrested and how I hurt him. The day I saw the vein on his head, It still scares me.....Then finally the day I walked out of jail and he was standing there. I had been there for 26 days and I was scare because I thought I was going to prison, and I was hungry, and I was cold. He was there, he fed me, cloth me, and loved me. Then when I went to court and we both thought I was going to prison. I know only thing that saved me I was living with them. Dad believed I could change and held that belief long after most people had given up on me. I am grateful that now because i do not remember alot about those years he is able to help me figure it out and not be angry about it. But more than that as we are figuring it out he does not try to make me feel horrible about it. He understands that I know I did horrible things and now I am trying to forgive the past. My dad has set the example of how the Atonement should be used in my life and knowing that I am forgiven for that. I love my Dad for always loving me. I love for being an example of what and how we are suppose to live our lives. I love him for loving our Heavenly Father and showing it in how he treats his family. I am grateful for a dad that is a Dad. I am grateful for the fact I know he prays for his family. My parents has taught us to be kind, loving, and charitable. They have set the example for the type of marriage I want: to laugh, play, and work as a couple. For that I am grateful. So Happy I will be in the eternities with him and my mom. I love you Dad!! Happy Father's Day!!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
lexington
We moving because I have been accepted to University of Kentucky for grad school as long as I pass the spanish this summer. Well in prep for moving we have been a couple of time and look at apartments. I am very confused in driving it would be so much better if I could figure north and south east and west. I will with time!! Ok so I have decided to keep track of what apartments I am looking at here....
Bridle creek we loved we both would give it 10 stars but it was so out of price range...
Whispering Hills we liked the wood floors but it smelled like a nursing home
Stoney falls had no washer/dryer hook up and both felt like it was far from the univeristy
Mansions we liked felt one bedroom was small, but location was great!!
I often feel as if I am putting Kevin into something he is not comfortable with and I do not want him to resent me....I love this man and would not hurt him for anything...
Joyce
Bridle creek we loved we both would give it 10 stars but it was so out of price range...
Whispering Hills we liked the wood floors but it smelled like a nursing home
Stoney falls had no washer/dryer hook up and both felt like it was far from the univeristy
Mansions we liked felt one bedroom was small, but location was great!!
I often feel as if I am putting Kevin into something he is not comfortable with and I do not want him to resent me....I love this man and would not hurt him for anything...
Joyce
Friday, June 15, 2012
figured it out
I have been off work since Jan. 27 and Kevin has been so wonderful. I feel so depressed, like i need to do something more than what I am doing. I feel like that I not contributing to the family. I can not think of the last time I have felt this way. I say i wished I looked sick then I would be more understanding. Which also means by being down about being home I am more depressed which leads to old thinking patterns. Which means it makes me sad=food. Which in a way is no different than any other harmful thing. It can cause an early death, brings on health issues. So is this addiction going to get the worse of me or am I going to change? I have turned into a couch pototo. Do I want to do my own weight watchers? I need a scale that really works...
Sunday, June 10, 2012
graduation and stuff
April 20, 2012 we had the senior banquet and I receive award for doing work in the drug field and I was totally shocked.
My thoughts
This whole week I have had a really down feeling. I know that its ok to feel down. I am off work and no real hope of going back and I am trying to do the things I suppose to. I have doctors who say no way...I know I usually do not feel good when I am work. Well I have horrible purple marks and we thought they were hives but they're not. I also am so aware of our budget needs it. Or are we being taught that Kevin needs to step up.
Friday night I had a slumber party with my girls. I love these two ladies and they have taught me so much. Rhonda has taught me dedication, she is determined to go to college and she does a good job. Shirley has taught me the child like faith. She sees the good in all things. I know they are a huge blessing in my life and i will miss them in the future. So at our slumber party we did a make over on my Rhonda. She looks so cute. We heard about Shirley's dates. Regina is Kay's sister and she is a beautiful person and its been so fun to meet her and become friends with her. I had the opportunity to hang out with Regina on Saturday and Tuesday is her anniversary and she is feeling sad right now.
My aunt Della graduated high school this week. I am so proud of her. She is 60 something.
I think so much is changing and its giving me weird dreams and flash backs so I have made plans to busy all week end. I have to take flowers to Regina tomorrow.
Love me
Friday night I had a slumber party with my girls. I love these two ladies and they have taught me so much. Rhonda has taught me dedication, she is determined to go to college and she does a good job. Shirley has taught me the child like faith. She sees the good in all things. I know they are a huge blessing in my life and i will miss them in the future. So at our slumber party we did a make over on my Rhonda. She looks so cute. We heard about Shirley's dates. Regina is Kay's sister and she is a beautiful person and its been so fun to meet her and become friends with her. I had the opportunity to hang out with Regina on Saturday and Tuesday is her anniversary and she is feeling sad right now.
My aunt Della graduated high school this week. I am so proud of her. She is 60 something.
I think so much is changing and its giving me weird dreams and flash backs so I have made plans to busy all week end. I have to take flowers to Regina tomorrow.
Love me
Monday, June 4, 2012
UnSuRe
So much has happened since last time I blogged and it seems as if I can not find the words to say what I am thinking or wishing. Something that I consider a big trigger in my life is not knowing what to expect or what to do to help my future go more smoothly. So needless to say I have been feeling a lot of stress. Just this week I finally heard about financial aid for University of KY. I have a 20,000 dollar scholarship which is the tuition. That is exciting but having no place to live or no money coming that is my own...worries me. I feel this unsurety about our life right now. I hate this feeling.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
I just don't know
Most of my life I have seen the importance of journaling, so the blog comes easy for me. I believe if you write the good, bad, sad , happy then you can not forget it. Yesterday I went to Chicago with Uindy, I realized that was my last friday as a student there. But on the bus I had a great discussion with Nicole on my Church and some misconceptions she had with it. Then Jeff and I had a great discussion about our identities and how he feels if addict identifies him/herself as addict all the time then the identity gets mixed up in being an addict. So when I got home I walked in the door, I don't why I expect Kevin to acknowledge I am home but I do. I was excited to tell him about Navy Pier and how I thought we would enjoy it. But he did not. So I have let it just sat and bother me. I always try to tell him when I he helps around the house. But today I have worked hard at getting everything caught up and making the house look really nice. But he did not notice. He is so stressed out about his two classes I can not be stressed out about life right now. everything is changing for me which I under stand that means everything is changing for him. I have tried to stay out of his way and everything. I am trying and I understand I am sat in my ways and I am used to being by myself.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Sabbath and Dandelions
Today at church we had some great talks...The second one was about dandelions, how the speaker, Aaron hates dandelions but when he started thinking about them. Who loves dandelions? A child, what are we directed to do, to become like a child.
Joyce
Joyce
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
here we go again
In the last year so many things have changed
In July I got married to a man I adore and love!! In August I had a breast reduction: I still can not believe the difference
In January I got really sick being at work and i have been off work every since
In May I april I got accepted to Graduate school in Kentucky and i am scared
I need to lose weight!! I am fat!!!
In July I got married to a man I adore and love!! In August I had a breast reduction: I still can not believe the difference
In January I got really sick being at work and i have been off work every since
In May I april I got accepted to Graduate school in Kentucky and i am scared
I need to lose weight!! I am fat!!!
Saturday, April 7, 2012
15 things I should give up to be happy!!!
1. Give up my need to always be right
I need to remember is better to would I rather be right or would I rather be kind?
2. Give up my need for control
By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu
I need to remember is better to would I rather be right or would I rather be kind?
2. Give up my need for control
By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu
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3. Give up on blame. Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.
4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk. Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.
“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle
5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!
“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle
6. Give up complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.
7. Give up the luxury of criticism. Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.
8. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take of all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.
9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell
10. Give up labels. Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer
11. Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt
12. Give up your excuses. Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.
13. Give up the past. I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.
14. Give up attachment. This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.
15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations. Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.