Happy Halloween!!!

  I love Halloween, I love the fun of it. I remember as a child all the fun that we used to have at Aunt Elsie and all the candy. I wonder often if we really did get all the candy I remember us getting.

Yesterday I spend the afternoon at Shephard Community Center which is organization that serves some of the poorest zip codes in Indianapolis area. They are amazing organization. They had about 26 cars that participated in the trunk or treat. They had crafts for the kids and the cars were fun. The kids were grateful I could not believe what great manners the kids had.  These were two of my favorite cars, the first one is some teenage girls who decorated their car like under the sea and the girls were dressed as mermaids. The second car had a fake boy with a gorilla suit on it. The kids either loved it or would not want to go close to it. But it caused many many laughs. What did you do for Halloween and did you have fun? Do you have great memories from your childhood about Halloween? Thanks Aunt Elsie for allowing us to come there.

The Road

  I had this amazing day at work. I work with some of my favorites. But our day started off busy and about the last hour of the 12 hour day it finally came to end. Today I was working with two nurses that has heard my story and we were talking about addiction and if anyone could become addicted. Well in my talking after wards a nurse who over heard us came to me and ask if I would be willing to talk to her sister. She needs someone who could understand addiction and this nurse said she heard motivation and hope in my voice. I reflect on my life and my addiction was bad and many bad things happened during that time and never in a million years did I think I would be a spokes person for overcoming. During that time I remember the day that I gave up on myself and thought that I could do whatever and that i would never make it through this. The day that I quit because I had cross the line in what and was not acceptable for me. The day that I quit.

Looking back over my life now I see if I had not had those experiences I would not be where I am. I would not be strong and I would have a testimony of the atonement and tender mercies of my Heavenly Father. I would not know that he loves me and knows me by name. He knows that I am here and sometimes it is hard
 and sometimes there is great joy in my life. Its the peace that I have worked for and the joy that this journey has made me that I appreciate the most. So I know that God is my rock and with him everything is possible.This road reminds me of my life sometimes it leads me to bunch of rocks but always around the bend there is something so much worth seeing and waiting for.

Starting over!

  Am I serious about this or not! Here it is October 25, and I have not stuck to my plan to use the 12 steps to lose weight. So I am rededicating myself and now I am adding actually attending the meetings again. I will go on Thursday nights and not make excuses. I still can make Grey's Anatomy.  hehehaha!  I am starting on step 1. Do I have the desire is the big question? I know in the book it is promise any amount of desire is better and than none. It also says if you keep doing the desire will grow. Lets see

Sunday

  I am helping with a Halloween party this coming weekend and I attended Carmel Ward sacrament meeting. I went expecting to know alot of people and realized that there is only a handful of people I know. I then went to my ward. I felt that I knew alot of people. I actually looked forward to seeing some of the people. I also realized that i have been so wrapped up in Me that I did not know some of the things going on in our ward.I realize I have alot of chances to make great friends and I love my house and the area where I live.  I have been so busy mad because I did not feel a part of the ward I realized that alot of it is me. I want to belong to eagle creek ward. It was nice to feel like it was home. Home is a interesting word to me. Its one that means safety, love and its ok to be who you are. I think of that often, I am not going to hold back and just learn to love the ward and start doing my stuff like I know I am capable of.
Joyce

Tina

  I am working on one of my Christmas Presents and I had to talk to some family. My little sister, Tina has cancer. Please do not ask me if I think she is going to die? I think everyone will someday die and no I do not want to talk about it. Please do not ask me what I think about cancer? I think it all sucks! Especially for my sister. Do not ask me if I think she will be able to get rid of the cancer? I pray and I believe that God gave the doctors inspiration and knowledge so that they can help with miracles and healing. I know that God's plan is always better then what we think.
  Just think before you ask a question! If it hurts you then it probably will hurt someone else. If it's hard for you to think about. I bet its even harder for the people who love that person the most. If you think it will help, then do it. If you want people to know you are praying for them, tell them. If you want to do something but you don't know how to, ask!!
I have a friend at my work, Susan who happens to be the chaplin there. At least once a week she always ask me about Tina and her family. She always tells she is praying for Tina and Dwight and their children. That is all she says and but I know she cares and she took the time to know my sister's name and her husband's. I love my sister but please do not ask me how will I feel if she dies anymore! Think about it I will feel the same if I am 95 and she is 92! It does not matter now or ever.

love you forever

 My addiction assignment ended this Monday and its now Thursday. I have decided to not go back to fast food. I have enjoyed my extra money that I have not spend at windows. I have not had any fast food for a 5 weeks. In our final paper we are suppose to compare this to addiction. I do know that I found it often easy to ralationize that no one would know. But I just realized on my way home tonite that I have not changed my mindsetting. I thought I wonder what is at home to eat. I am excited to go back to Normal schedule next week.

 When ever the boys leave I am always so sad. I really miss my house being a loud and active. I miss being a mom. I know that in my life I made choices that I did not get to enjoy those days but looking back I know how much I miss. But I guess I have then tendency to always feel sorry for myself after they leave. I do know they are my three best blessings in my life. I know they are what kept me alive when I did not want to live. I know they were my thing and still are the thing that keeps me clean . I love them with everything i have. I would give up anything for their happiness. I thank God every day for them and I pray for them daily. When they were little I would read to them every night I Love you forever.  in the book it goes I'll love you forever I 'll like you  for always as long as I am living my baby you will be.............................

Friday

Its been all week and I don't think I have even considered going to fast food. Since all the excitement of Jason being home we have ate out but places where we can a healthy meal. School is going well I am surprised at how many big papers we have due. I think this assignment has been a good reminder about how addiction works. My cousin took a overdose of meth and more but it reminded me how close it is for every addict. Today Jason and I were talking about how we would die if we had to die today. He said he would spend the whole day doing everything he would want then he would jump out a airplane and that is how he chose to die if he had to today. We both decided bridge jumping and drowning would not be away. Then we both laughed about other people would find this conversation an odd one but then Jason reminded me that is what he gets for a mortuarian for a dad. So this our "norm"

Sunday

  Its evening and all the excitement has died down. Tomorrow will be the start of the fourth week of our assignment of giving up something so that we can better understand addiction. Its been four weeks since i have had fast food. I thought about it alot at first but now I do not think that is what I want for my first choice of food. My body feels better and my stomach does not hurt as bad. In giving this up I have wrote on my facebook page about giving up fast food and its amazing that I get comments of encouragement but also comments that maybe I am doing drugs. Which is humorous!!!!!   I know with surety of what I lost during that time of my life and I have never forgot the pain. I also know to much about the Savior and myself to ever go back to that life. I want to much and know to much. If anything this assignment has strengthen my testimony of what the Savior has done for me. So I am ready to start step 4. Which I will go indepth more next time.

Temple

    My whole life i have heard from people in INdy how much we needed a Temple. So on Oct. 2 ,2010 it as annouced that we are getting a temple. I am 45 years old and finally.