Happy New Year!!

 Its Happy New Year's eve and its that time of the year when we all make resolutions to do different for the next year. I want to change a few things about me and I like the fact that a day has been set aside for this. But right now is not when i want to write about it except one. I just read Seventeen second Miracle. Its all about how an average person can create a miracle for someone else in s 17 seconds. So I have decided to to keep a 17 second journal on what has been done for me.

Oops!

  You know when you feel resentments about a situation and you accidently let it slip out. You make someone else feel bad. I really did not mean to say what I said.

I read the book Seventeen Second Miracle by Jason Wright. Its amazing book. Its all about how a person can make a difference in seventeen seconds. How a smile, or telling someone that they look nice, or holding a door open for them can change their day. So I am putting it to the test. I have decided to try this in the year and I will keep track of how others make a difference in my life.

Today I witnessed the following: Amber who is this wonderful lady at work and she does a lot of different jobs at the Heart center. A gentleman walked up to our station and she stopped what she was doing to listen to him and to really listen with her heart. The ma's father had died last year and it was his parents anniversary and he was sad. As he talked of his father, I witness Amber really help him. She validated his feelings and he walked away feeling better and knowing that this incredible sadness will leave. I felt honored watching her being a angel to him. 

stars

tonight I heard the following: Follow the Star in your heart

Think about that! I have most of the evening. Am I following the star? Do i know what direction I want to shine?
Am I doing what my Heavenly Father wants me to do. How brightly do I want my star to shine? Am I content to let my star be the one the clouds hide or am I the one that shines no matter what the storms are?

More.........

More on Christmas I love the house.I love the fact that we celebrate the birth of Christ. Its a birthday party for Christ and everyone gets to celebrate. I think that is why I love to shop and watch everyone shop. I love the fact that everyone is shopping because they love the people they shop for.

This is the beloved Cindy dog who is 15 years old. Mom and Dad went and got her when the boys lived with them to help them feel better. She is so loved by all 9 grandkids!!

these  are pictures of the snow village at Mom and Dad's

Christmas Day

PS sorry I could not figure out how to turn the picture

  I think my favorite thing of Christmas is the tradition of my family. We always go over to Mom and Dad's house on Christmas eve and spend the night. Everyone is home. This morning at 8 am Greg came over and the fun begins. I love while mom is cooking  I usually read to her. Its one of my favorite things I do. Then the spirit of Christmas is what I love. The house is full of love!!!  Jason was in silly mood and Aaron got his much desired bongo drums and he walked around playing the drums with his furry hunter hat on. It made me giggle!! Kevin brought his friend Dominque with him, I am so happy the boys feel that we have the best Christmases and they want their friends there. I love the laughter and the jokes, and the playing in the house by everyone. 

Grades

 I finished my semester at University of Indianapolis. My grades were ok

Old Testament A    Working with and for Youth  B+     Working with Youth Service Learning  A
Macro Human Social Work  A-     Understanding Addictions A.   Not bad for working full time and a million of things on my plate. I finished with 3.769 for the semester.

I love Christmas time!!

 I am one of those freaks that love shopping during the Christmas season. There are two favorites days but not for the usual reasons. I love black Friday for a couple of reasons: 1. I love watching people shopping for the people they love. Don't you think its amazing that people are willing to stand in line for hours for the people they love? they are willing to fight for the last toy for someone they love?
Second day I think its amazing to shop on Christmas Eve. Don't you wonder how men forget that Christmas falls on the same day every year but when you go to the mall on Christmas Eve there are thousands of men shopping for their ladies. It makes me giggle :)
  Then the magic of Christmas!! For a morning or day the whole world forgets and just loves people!

I love the magic of Christmas!

Do you ever wonder?

  Today in sacrament meeting, we had a great talks. I love Christmas and everything with it. Today as we were sitting there I started letting my mind wonder. I wonder how Mary felt when the angel appeared to her and told her that she was going to be the mother of Savior. I wonder if she thought about watching her son go through the things he had. To have a child be spit on , made fun of, teased. As a mother I have thought about that many times of this, I don't know if I could do this. I don't know if I could  be so unselfish and not save my son. Even though the whole world is riding on him. I wonder if she ever thought that. I wonder if she ever prayed to have his cup and let him have quietness on this earth. I wonder as she watched her son be nailed to the cross if she asked why me? Why does this have to happen to my son? As she watched him pray for the thieves on both side of him if she thought I raised him right?  When he took his last breathe did she fall to her knees and beg for him to come back? 

  Not that Aaron is the Savior of the world but he is mine. I watch him and I wished that I could take his cup. I would love to take his hurt from him and give him back a unbroken spirit. I wish I could make it better for him and let him walk away a stronger man for this. I wish that I could take back the hurt I have caused in his life. I love Aaron and it hurts my heart and soul to watch him.

Today

  Today has been a busy busy day. I have accomplished a lot for next year.  I have to do my junior practicum and I had three choices to make. 1st catholic charities working with senior program, Second one is PACE working with men/women coming out of jail/prison and third working at hospice working with people dying. I really wanted to do the third one but I never heard back from the hospice. The first sone felt like I was repeating what I am doing at the hospital. The third one will benefit me, I am sure. But its hard to know how to work my schedule so that I am able to do everything I need to do. Almost to the point where I can not breathe. At the interview today I had to share some of the things I have done in the past. Well I told them about:

Horizon House-working with the employment center, where I helped with the computer time. Helping learn to move around on the computer. Helped in the resume classes.  Then I would help prepare lunch and serve to the people in the employment center.

Flanner House-worked to develop the employment center. Looked jobs up and added to the employment board each week.

Wishard Hospital-OB/Gyn Substance abuse clinic-worked with Dr. Nocon and met with the clinics for their appointments. Then would talk with the girls about AA and how to find the meetings and why they should go.
Will write more later as I think of it.

3 finals down

  I can not believe that its the end of the first semester at University of Indianapolis. I have completed three finals so far. In my addiction group I had to do a paper on Child Pornography and it was a awful paper. Every time I worked on it I felt evil around me. I did get a A on the paper and the power point. The point of the paper was to point out a lot of behaviors were the same as alcoholic and drug addicts behaviors. On Tuesday I have my last final in religion. Then the semester is over. I have three more to go!!
 Greg has been wonderful lately. He has helped alot with extra expenses for Aaron. Then Jason told us that he was hitch hiking home. It worried me but I did not have the money to bring him home. Then Greg called on Monday and told me he brought Jason a ticket to come home for Christmas. He was worried about brilliant son hitchhiking. He will never know what it means to me.

Greg is my ex husband and my good friend. I was just sitting here thinking about our life together. We married after knowing each other for just 6 months. We were married for 11 years and now we have been divorced for almost 15 years. I thought the grass was greener on the other side or at least more exciting but its not. I miss him and I miss being married. We both have grown up a lot and found how to be happy with our selves. In the process we have found out how to maintain a healthy relationship as parents and hopefully as grandparents in the future. 

I am better!!

  I went to Super Saturday today. I feel better. I lifted my spirit and my soul feels better. I needed to hang out with these great ladies of Eagle Creek ward. They are wonderful.  My soul was delighted today by my friends!!
Thank you!! Love you all.

I just want to be SAD

  I have been off work since November 3, 2010 and I could have went back last week the doctor cleared me. But the employee nurse at work would not clear me. It did not matter that I had no PTO time/vacation time. So yesterday was my first day back and pay day. Which I already knew meant zero. But then I get a call at work to tell me next pay day I will have $122.31 deducted from that check for the benefits for this check. which is fine and I know you have to pay. Its the paycheck before Christmas!! What did I do I cried at work in front of everyone!! Its not the lack of money its the no money situation! Its right before Christmas. I am very used to living from paycheck to paycheck!!
  I even know that there is a end to this. I will have a degree in BA in Social Work in year and half. So I know there is a chance to make more money. But right now I just want to be sad!! I understand and know people that have so much more to deal with in life than I do. I have friends that struggle with sickness, death, and etc. I have nurse friend who's baby has cancer. I have sister with cancer. I have a nephew who is has disabilities but such a great blessing! I have friends who has lost their husbands/wives, children who go hungry everyday except school lunches, I have friends with no jobs!! I know I could have it worse and I have had it worse but I want to be sad for a short time!!

Who would you call?

 Today I was sitting and relaxing and reading a book. Its the books of questions. One of them is

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say?

I could think of people I would not have to call. Like my parents, they know I love them and I show them I love them. By doing the things they need done when they ask me to. I show them respect. But if I did call them I would tell my mom that she is a great mom. She has taught us by example and deed. That I truly would miss her as my mom and my friend. To watch out for the boys. Never change the rules in the house. Thank her for showing me what it is like to be married to her best friend. i would tell her that I know the Savior lives and he is waiting for me.

Then my dad, I would tell him I love him. Thank you for being such a great dad. I would tell him thank you for never never giving up on me. Thank you for considering me one of the miracles in his life and for helping me get back there. I love you dad and I will truly miss talking to you every day. Thank you for showing us what a Christ like life is. Thank you for teaching me how important family is .

 I would not have to call the boys because now they are grown who would I call. 
I know what I would say to each of them if I did not have long to live. 

Jason you are my first, I love you with all my mind and soul. Son, there is nothing I would not do for you or want for you. You taught me to love education. You have taught me to love to learn. I have watched your face light up since you were really young when you learned a new math skill. I am proud of you. I want you to know that Heavenly father loves you and he will listen to your prayers as well as mine for you.  remember some day Peter Pan can go away and you will be fine and happy. I am sorry that I missed parts of your life that I should have been there for. I am sorry that you had to live with your Grandparents instead of me being the mom you needed. I am sorry that you feel as if you need to protect your brothers when i should have been the protector. That my son is my biggest regret in life.

Aaron you have taught me so much in life. I think the biggest thing is laughter and happiness. No matter what you just keep going. You were kind of like my first one to as a young married person. you taught me patience and to chose my battles carefully. You taught me love the small things in life. You taught me to love everything from rocks to ants. You have seen the world from the top of the highest swingset to the bottom of the lake. You have not feared. I have loved seeing the world through your eyes. I love you and so proud to be your mom. I am sorry that i was not there for you as times in your life. I am sorry that I missed really important things that was important to you. I know Heavenly Father and the angels protect you I have seen it. Since before you were born you have been protected. Please keep that in the back of your mind as you finish your life. Be who you are and continue to let the angels protect you. I love you more then life. 

Kevin, I love you. You are the baby. You have taught me more than you will ever know. IYou have taught me that sometimes in life you have to be soft and tough all at the same time. You are small but you are mighty. I love you and so proud to be your mom. I have wanted you and your brothers since I was a small child. With my pregnancy it was hard and if I had not put you in jeopardy I would have kept having more. But when you came out and the blood thinners had past over to you and you almost died. I knew that I was done and Heavenly Father had let me keep you that you would be so loved. I love the fact how you three love each other more than your own lives.  I am proud of you and your choices.I love the fact that you are soft and romantic!!That you will go see Nicholas Sparks movies with me and that you will call and listen when you need advise. I am sorry that I was not there to teach you to cook or dance. The things I missed out with your brothers and you are my biggest regrets. 

I would have to call my sister. We know we love each other. We have life of good memories and laughter together. We have cried together and we have laughed until milk came through our noses. I would not have to call because she knows I love her and she loves me. If I did make her my last call I would share my testimony of the Savior and his love for me. To tell her please remind my children that I am there waiting for my family. 

My true friends, I would not have to call because I try to be a friend. I work really hard on the fact that i believe that your last words my truly be your last. I love my friends and the people that have touched my world. I would let them know I know I will see them

I would not have to call Greg. He knows how sorry I am for messing us up and that I have forgiven him. I would hopefully over the years showed him that I am so happy he is the father of our sons. I love you and I hope you have happiness and peace through out your life. 


I don't think I would make a phone call because all these people I would have talked to recently and I would have told how grateful I am and how much I love them. How about you? Who would you call?